Day 1

 I love writing. It helps me process my emotions. Yet, I get a lot of backlash from it because I'm too open. One lady even went through and read all 1,000 of my person blog posts convinced that she would find proof that I had sexually abused her niece! 

Today I had counseling appointment #2 with someone new, C. I didn't realize that 19 years of stuffing my feelings and emotions down was still my go to for survival 21 years later! 

*Cue the tears. As C and I talked about today, I need to let myself feel the emotions. What am I feeling? Sad that my life has been one giant trial after another. 

This wasn't even the point of my post, but hey, I'm letting myself feel. 

I use a Visible Armband to monitor my POTS. One of my favorite features is the morning check in. It takes my heart rate and predicts how my POTS will be each day. 1 being the worst and 5 is the best. 

Yesterday I worked opening shift at the daycare. I woke up with ambition to get things done. With staying open, I'm trying to move things around. Brad wanted a space that is just his, so I'm condensing 2 daycare rooms into 1 1/2. As I was in the mood to move things around and organize, the POTS exhaustion hit. Visible told me that day was a 2. I was also consistently dizzy all day. I decided to lay off the organizing and hoped if I didn't push myself too hard , just maybe I would have a better day tomorrow. 

It didn't work. As my alarm went off, I rolled over and thought, "I don't want to work!". Then I realized, I don't work until 5:30 pm. I did have an appointment with C at 9. As I finally got up up and ready at 8:30, I did  my morning checking in. Visible said my POTS was going to be a 1 and I definitely felt it! 

I've been utterly exhausted today! I had my appointment with C, came home and went back to bed. My phone seemed to be constantly ringing and interrupting me. I'm having neck surgery in 2 weeks from today. Before surgery I needed a blood test and EKG done. My primary care doctor's office called me (I don't know why them) to tell me my EKG was abnormal (I'm assuming POTS, I'm always Tachycardic aka Tachy!)  So now we need to do an Echo. This will be my 3rd Echo in 4 1/2 years. As a woman, I do not enjoy getting an echo done. Why? Boobs. An Echo is an ultrasound of your heart and to see that, they have to push VERY hard on your boob! 

I did get a nap in today. I woke up, got some lunch and decided to do the shopping to put off yesterday. I went to 1 store and was hoping to go to 1 more, but the exhaustion hit. 

I was able to rest some more before having to working a whopping 1 hour! I pushed past the exhaustion and worked a little on organizing one of the daycare rooms. It's hard when my ADHD brain wants to do a millions things and my POTS makes me want to sleep all day!